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How to Win Friends and Influence People

Preamble

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.

I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Ways to make people like you

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win people to your way of thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately. (Socratic method)
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatise your ideas. (Showmanship)

  12. Throw down a challenge.

    The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it

Be a leader

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behaviour. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’

  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

    When she came to Tommy, she looked him straight in the eyes and said, ‘Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the fourth grade this year.’ She reinforced this over the first few days by complimenting Tommy on everything he did and commenting on how this showed what a good student he was. With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn’t let her down – and he didn’t.”

  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.